Chapter 26
4:30 AM
Her blood was thundering, roaring in her ears. He was all she was aware of... his breath, mingling with hers, His heat, consuming her... his scent, setting her aflame. His lips... breathing life into her.
Those lips, those oh so beautiful lips! They were against hers again. But this time, unlike the last time they’d touched her, they were gentle... lazily moving against hers; Passionate, Sensuous. She felt his tongue slowly caress her lower lip. His teeth sinuously touching her lip, a mere touch, but enough to send an uncontrolled flash of hot desire straight to her core. Her lips opened under his, in a wanton gasp, and he entered. His tongue initiating a slow, sensual dance with hers. Tango, was it? Tracing, touching, withdrawing, entering again, Nibbling, sucking... Burning, Scorching, Wanting, Taking and Giving.
Slow. Always Slow.
Her eyes closed completely, as they finally broke apart... was it seconds, minutes, hours... light years later? she didn’t know. All she knew was she wanted more. Her head lolled back against the wall, as he bent his, lips descending down her throat, tongue tracing the pulse beating at the base, sucking, marking. Teeth scraping lightly. She gasped his name, her need for him coming through in that one word falling from her mouth in a hoarse whisper, as pain bordering on pleasure shot through her again. Making her crave him all the more... in that void, she knew only he could ever fill inside of her.
“Arnav!”
And then, he had lifted his head, his hands gripping her waist tightly a moment before he separated from her. Leaving her feeling cold, bereft. Her eyes snapped open, her muddled mind not able to process why he was backing away from her. His Dark Chocolate eyes locked with hers... the intensity in them making delicious ripples of want run through her. He had reached the door to her cabin now. And as her mind slowly began to unfog, despair started to settle in. Was he leaving? Was he going to...? But those fears, that despair was dispelled in a snap, as he locked the door, His eyes still on her. Knowing. Reassuring. Needing.
And then he strode towards her, purposefully. His hands coming up to clutch hers, which had been trying to rub away the small cold shudders that seemed to have racked her. Her eyelashes lowered as his fingers entwined themselves with hers.
“Khushi.” he sighed, as he trapped their hands behind her back, pulling her towards himself, chest to chest, and as she tipped her head back to look up at him, those lips descended on hers again... and again she was lost.
She felt herself being lowered to the floor, the soft lush beige carpet covering her floor, back first. Was he unbuttoning her shirt? Khushi didn’t know and at that moment, if it was happening - it was the most natural thing in the world. The shirt fluttered, floating in mid air for a second before landing on a convenient furniture somewhere. She still lay down, even as he unsnapped the button at her waist, helping her slide down the jeans, abrading her knees in his hurry to see her uncovered. She winced, and noticing the reddened skin, Arnav lowered his head, kissing. Swirling his tongue over one and then, the other. Soothing. Kindling. Khushi could feel her stomach clutch. Dipping. Even as a small tremor went through her, lips quivering. Even as he sat up, with a pirate like grin, unbuttoned his shirt. Khushi lay, watching. Taking it all in. Savoring. At the back of her mind somewhere, she couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever see it again.
As he chucked his shirt away with less reverence than he had done with hers, she suddenly sat up. Craving to live. To act out the verb of lovemaking. Pulling the pleasantly surprised, beautiful man before her. Towards her. Against her. Her lips against his. Kissing. Tongues tangling. Duelling. Fighting for something that was clamouring inside of her. Arnav broke away first, breathing hard. For some reason, that pleased her enormously.
He slid his lips over the sides of her neck, nibbling at the corner where it met her shoulders... sending a voluptuous shudder running through her. The tables had turned. He smiled again, eyes twinkling, as goosebumps broke out all over her, as he covered her body with his. Warming. Raking the coal of the fire even more. Khushi smiled too, even as he gently pushed the hair back from her face, and covered her smiling mouth with his, sliding his hands down her side, pulling her flush against him.
She blushed.
Feeling him, against her. So intimately. Feeling what he was feeling. It was an echo of visceral emotions. It was want. It was craving. Khushi tugged at him. “Now...” but he nodded. Smiling. Loving her. Not now, he mouthed. “Yes! Now!” Khushi demanded. He laughed as she pulled him towards her. An insane, mindless need rising out of nowhere. She pulled at his trousers, helping him step out of it, pulled his boxers down, even as she felt him unclasp her bra, and then they met again.
Against each other. Touching. Warming. Stroking.
She felt him. His mouth on her. Burning. Tugging. She felt lava flow through her veins, replacing everything else inside of her, scorching her with the need for completion. The need to have him inside of her. She nipped at his chest; inordinately pleased to watch his eyes darken. Watch, while he reached for her, and she nipped some more, stroking the bruise with her tongue. Laving. Loving.
There was a nip here, teeth sinking there. Was the pounding in her ears getting louder? Was her heart trying to burst out of my chest? She was sweat drenched. So was he. She could feel it... as the glided into that dance that was so uniquely own - theirs. The dance that was as old as time. She knew what came now - even the novice knew... she thought.
Then, he slowly parted her thighs. Maybe more gently than he had last night, as if making up for the oversight. Apologising silently. Gently. He slid right into her.
He slid home.
They moved with each other, a dance to a music; one of its kind; inside their heads. Inside their souls. They twisted, they turned and met each other’s steps. Hands held, fingers linked. Backs arching. Curving. A rhythm that built up until it was a thundering beat that was echoed in her heart and she could hear it in his. Thudding. Thumping.
Her hands out of their own voilition went up to encircle him, stroking his back. But then, the intensity built up. She could feel the sparks in her blood veins - like there was a live wire in there somewhere. The intensity built and she felt herself biting her lips to hold moans in, using her nails on his back to anchor herself to him. Panting. Gasping.
They ground. Legs tangled. His hand reached down and parted her folds, touching the core of her and then there was nothing but feelings. A mass of writhing, suspended feelings that coiled and coiled and wound up inside her like a spring - and then, the spring broke. She screamed. An aching moan, half hearing him join her. Fall limply against her.
Khushi’s last thought was that they were lucky that the carpet was silk. Or, she would have one hell of a carpet burn later on.
It was a while later, that she felt him pull out of her. Gently, his hands cupping her cheeks as his lips touched hers in another tender kiss. Gentle. A connection of the hearts. Short, but deep. She looked up at him, his eyes smiling down at her. His fingers catching an errant strand of her hair, and tucking it behind her ear, still smiling down at her. And her eyes burnt. The emotions that she had suppressed, rushing to the fore. The long buried fears surfacing in that one small moment.
“Khushi?”
Their eyes connected again. the concern, the sweet worry in his voice... in that one word he uttered, tearing at her heart even more. She turned her face, as his palm cupped her cheek again, her lips lightly skimming it, as she drew courage from his warmth over her. She had to get this out. She couldn’t lose him. She couldn’t.
“Promise me something Arnav?” she asked him, quietly. Hating the break in her voice. But she couldn’t help it. This was a question of her life... much as she was loathe to admit it. But he was her life. And they both knew it.
He turned her head towards him, his nose lightly nudging hers as he smiled tenderly at her. “Anything, Khushi.” he murmured. And she heard the sincerity there. She knew. He would keep this promise. He would give her anything she asked of him.
She closed her eyes against her tears then. No. It was not time to let them out yet. Not here. Not in front of Arnav.
“Promise me, Arnav. Promise me, that when... when this... whatever this is- blows over... when it ends... Promise me that we’ll still be a part of each other’s lives. That we won’t... we won’t be estranged. I... I couldn’t live with that Arnav. Please, promise me.”
It was when she had gotten it out that she opened her eyes. Locking with his earnest ones, as his hand cupped her face. Searching for the reassurance she needed. And she breathed a sigh when she found what she had been searching for.
Maybe it was only a half of the Silver Lining for the Dark clouds that she could see looming ahead of her... but right now, she would take whatever she got. She closed her eyes again as he hugged her, settling gently over her, his weight a reassuring anchor on hers, as he buried his face in her hair, his fingers tracing circles on her waist, murmuring in her ear.
“I Promise Baby. We’ll be together. Always, Khushi. Never doubt that.”
And she smiled. She only wanted the promise. The Forever that he was giving her... she would forsake... for his happiness. Her hands cradled him to herself, as he kissed her hair, sealing his Promises to her. And she sighed again. Her world may be teetering on the edge of a steep cliff, about to tip over and crumple into never ending darkness... but maybe the glorious light spreading through her right now, was worth every second of darkness that awaited her over that edge.
For now, she would relish that light. Carpe Diem.
Arnav breathed in her scent. A soothing calmness spread through him. A feeling of finally coming home. Home. Khushi was his home. Today just proved it, didn’t it? Maybe this realization had been coming to him all his life? He smiled as he remembered his younger self’s excitement to go home from boarding school in the vacations. It had been all about getting to see his entourage as his Mother had called her. He had been excited to eat those sugar free malai ladoos she had learned to make only for him. He sighed again. Had he taken too long, then? Well, the promise which Khushi had just extracted from him told him that he had been barely in time. Almost on the edge of late. She hadn’t believed him when he had told her they would always be together. He could tell. The way her arms had tightened around him, told him so. The way her breathing felt, the way her heart was thumping beneath his chest, against his chest told him so. And he was to blame. He had been almost too late, so much, so that His Girl had almost lost faith in him. She’d lost faith in them.
But she would believe in them. She would. It would be a slow process, sure. But he didn’t mind waiting. He would be right there beside her, as she relearned to have faith in them. They were a team. Always had been. And always would be. Arnav had a lot of practice teaching Khushi, didn’t he? He’d done that for so long! He’d coached her through her Business degree. He’d coached her since she had been a mere seventeen year old, the practicalities of being in Business. Of running a business. There was a reason Khushi was his right hand man... or woman, as he now realized. She had been there. She had been running their business right beside him, with him, and it had flourished. He could coach her through this too. He would. Because this... this was for life. And she would just have to learn to accept it, and live with it.
Arnav got up, smiling. Amazing it might have been, but love nest their office wasn’t. He was surprised that people hadn’t knocked Khushi’s door down by now and they’ve only been gone what, forty minutes now? He reached for his phone, more a knee jerk reaction than a design of intention. His phone was on silent - Arnav had silenced it himself so there would be no interruption during his talk with Khushi. Apparently, looking at it he smiled wryly, it hadn’t been such a hot idea. There were 72 missed calls from Aman. How could you even call that many times in less than a fucking hour, he wondered, somewhat awed.
Arnav dialled the number, so insistently blinking on the screen - Aman answered immediately. "Sir, where have you been?" the man who simply cowered when he was around panted in agitation. "I had been calling and calling. Its nearly time for your Seth-Quyyum deal's brief. The meeting is in less than one hour sir! You know Mumbai traffic!" the man was positively admonishing him! Arnav was amused. “Are you quite done, Aman?” He asked silkily, and heard the indrawn breath of his employee as he realized that he had stepped out of the bounds. Arnav didn’t mean it, but torturing Aman was, after all, his favourite past time. He would make it up to him soon, Arnav knew. He rewarded loyalty well. It was the rarest commodity, after all. Until then, it would do Aman good to be a little scared, worrying about the retribution his boss was thinking about dishing out on him. Truth be told, Arnav was a little surprised, shocked even - He was touched and a little harried by the delay but for the life of him, for some reason he couldn't find it himself to regret this. This wonderful, magical thing that had happened between him and Khushi. They had always been a unit - it made sense that they would be one in this aspect as well. Khushi was still... he knew, in some ways, a very young girl - despite the responsibilities she had. She expected hearts and flowers probably, still had them in her head. Arnav was far more practical. He knew what this was. It was, simply put - an incredibly intense sexual attraction. The kind that wouldn’t probably burn out - the kind that good, nay, solid relationships were based on.
Khushi would therefore expect that once the flame of this would burn out - she would be able to move on in search of the rainbows, butterflies and hearts everywhere... Arnav never liked disappointing Khushi. Not when she had been a child - wide eyed, and easily awed. Not when she was a little older and mischievous and definitely not know - when she was the fulcrum his life seemed to be based on; his peace of mind was dependant on. Yet, needs must, he thought with a grin. Looking at the petite woman in front of him, struggling to wear her jeans, face reddened, averted. Lips still swollen from their bout of lovemaking. She would have to be disappointed, he knew, because Arnav refused to let her go. To let her find that happily-ever-after she always had seemed to be in search for - replenished with the wild rose covered cottage in the wood and a Prince Charming to boot. Where everything would be perfect. Happy. Sun would shine. The birds would sing and there would be a thick line drawn between black and white without the hazy gray in between - the area he lived in. Right and wrong. She would search for all that and more, hoping for a tribe of kids somewhere in between. He would have to disappoint her because he simply refused to let her go. It was a cruel world out there and once Khushi got out, she would discover it at every step of the way, in every turn she took and every road she travelled. She would be bruised, inside out and the vivacious joy she took from living would fade... slowly - the twinkle in her eyes would go first, as would the stars in them. Then the smile would go. Slowly. Surely. He would do her the favor and keep her; Arnav could never bear to knock off those rose-shaded spectacles that she seemed to wear all the time. So he would keep her; fair means or foul. He would be doing her a favor really - a big one. Her happiness was at stake here and Arnav was protecting it; protecting her as he always had.
He buttoned his shirt, tucking the tails into his trousers and sighed. No matter how he tried to spin it - it all came to the same fucking conclusion every time. He was a selfish son-of-a-bitch whose entire course of happiness depended on the wisp of a girl struggling to tie her hair up, in front of him. Yes, he was selfish; wanting to jealously guard his treasure where nobody would ever find her. But, Arnav smiled, as he walked up to her and kissed her lips, gently; Hadn’t he earned that right?
Slipping his belt into his trouser’s loop, he smiled at her. “I’ll call you later Khush. Going to the meeting before Aman stakes me to an anthill in the sun. Go home? I won’t be very long.”
Slipping his belt into his trouser’s loop, he smiled at her. “I’ll call you later Khush. Going to the meeting before Aman stakes me to an anthill in the sun. Go home? I won’t be very long.”
He sauntered out, cockiness in his every step; feeling a sense of completeness that hadn’t felt in years. Things were, he knew, finally good. Arnav would do anything to keep them that way - including lie to Khushi. It was, after all, for her own good, and didn’t Machiavelli say that the end justifies the means? Arnav had lived all his adult life on this principle. Why change now?
Khushi watched him as he left her office. His gait as confident and Royal as ever. And it was then, when he was finally out of her line of sight, that she allowed herself to crumble. Tears blurred her eyes, as she made her way back to her chair, slumping down in it, her head falling into her hands as she shook with sobs. How could he look so at ease, so happy... when her heart was breaking? How couldn’t he be bothered, how couldn’t he be worried about that end that was looming ever closer over the horizon? Didn’t he realize that an era in their lives had just started its descend to... she shook her head. Couldn’t he see?
She got up from her seat, her fingers rubbing away the tear tracks on her cheeks, as she walked to the window. Hoping that the Early Afternoon view of the Goregaon Beach and the sea would calm her. She watched the hazy horizon, the light from the sun reflecting over the turbulent ocean, the frothy waves dancing to a tune that seemed to be reverberating in her soul.
She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath, as she leaned her forehead against the glass. Love was a funny thing, wasn’t it? She had him with her, right now, and she was happy... almost deliriously so, about it. But the sadness that accompanied it, the angst that had settled into her soul the moment she had decided she was going to do this... It was the past all over again, wasn’t it? The only difference was that then, she had feared that they would part... now, she knew it.
A rueful smile slipped through, as she remembered a song she and Arnav had listened to all those years back, when he had returned from that English school. He had been teaching her English then. Telling her that she would learn faster if she actually listened and watched everything English instead of those “rowdy” Hindi songs she so adored. What was it again? Ah... Patsy Cline, she smiled...
I fall to pieces,
Each time I see you again.
I fall to pieces.
How can I be just your friend?
Was this course of life designed then? Was she destined to have her heart broken by the one Man she had loved all her life? Had it been something like a sign, at that time? A warning? or was it merely poetic justice? That the man who introduced her to song would then go on to prove to her, how true those words were?
You want me to act like we've never kissed.
You want me to forget, pretend we've never met.
And I've tried and I've tried, but I haven't yet.
You walk by and I fall to pieces.
He would expect her to go on like nothing had happened, she knew. He would expect her to heal, to bounce back like she always seemed to do. He would. He wouldn’t have any problem there. She wiped a tear away. And he would expect his protege to be just like him. Tough for her, that she had never learned well enough to build that fortress around her fragile heart that Arnav seemed to have Mastered so easily.
I fall to pieces,
Each time someone speaks your name.
I fall to pieces.
Time only adds to the flame.
He would never part from her, she knew that too. He would continue being the constant that he had been for the whole of her life. But would she be able to look him in the eye, without wishing for more? Without bursting into tears? Without cursing her fate, cursing herself for falling in love with the man? She knew she couldn’t. And what was the sad part was, she couldn’t even console herself by lying. She just couldn’t.
You tell me to find someone else to love,
Someone who'll love me too, the way you used to do.
But each time I go out with someone new,
You walk by and I fall to pieces.
Oh, she had dreamed of that Prince Charming. She had, like every other naive girl in the world, believed that someone out there was made for her. Someone who would give her the Rainbow, the Stars... and the World if she asked him for it. And then She had realized that her Prince Charming, was the Dark Knight she had been living with all those years. Her Savior. And he had given her everything she had wanted. Hell, he would give her the World if she demanded it. But she knew what he couldn’t give her. And it was a pity that she only wanted that. Something he never could give. Forever.
She had never expected the flowers and chocolates and the rose covered cottages and the sweep-her-off-her-feet Love declarations. Arnav was never that kind of a Man. And she would never want him to be that. He was more practical, her Arnav. And he would soon see that this... what they’d started, it was anything but practical... and then, when the realization struck him...
You walk by and I fall to pieces.
She would fall to pieces.
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