Chapter 8
3:40 AM
He had left again, before she had even come out of her room. What was he doing at AR at, what 8 in the morning? Arnav wasn’t visibly stonewalling her. Every time she spoke to him, he was ever scrupulously polite. Ask him a question? No matter what he had been doing, Arnav now answered it, patiently, coolly. It was as if a teacher or guardian was placating a fussy child. She had recklessly, as a conversational gambit told Arnav that she hated driving back on her own in this Delhi traffic. Hoping he would drive her back himself. After all, Arnav had never compromised with her comforts and Khushi had grown used to being put first. The next day onwards though Prajapati had come to pick her up, every time - no matter how late. Arnav had since that day hadn’t come home with her. Every time Khushi had asked, he had politely told her, “You should get going Khushi, I have a lot to do,” there was something in his voice, in the tenor of his tone that had never been there before. Even when she had been an impertinent servant child talking the ears off of the Chotte Sahib of Sheesh Mahal. What had happened? She felt suffocated; stifled. Why would he do that to her now? Except, she thought bitterly, he really hadn’t done anything, had he? She never saw Arnav get home. The door would open around 3 am-ish every night, and she assumed he would be getting home then. Did he expect her to believe that he had been at the office all that time? Of course not, but then Arnav didn’t need to justify himself to her; before, he would have but something had changed. Khushi couldn’t put her finger exactly what had. What had she said or done that had triggered such a change in the dynamics in their relationship? More importantly, her traitorous heart beat, where was he during all this time? How could he be running on so little sleep? Arnav was a diabetic, Khushi thought, coming home at 3, being up at 7 and off to office by 8, she shuddered. She knew what hypoglycaemia could do to him. How bad it could get. Had he been eating properly? Khushi threw her head back on her chair, disgusted with herself. How was she supposed to work?
She realized though that it had something to do with NK. Khushi knew that everything could be okay as long as she let go of NK, never to see him again. She wouldn’t though. For too long she had lived her life on terms of what would make Arnav happy and those terms alone had caused her to lose out on a lot in life. The intangible happiness, the memories that could’ve been hers. She wouldn’t, not this time. If Arnav cared, even a little bit, he would come to terms with her friendship with NK. After all, it was just a friendship. What was he worried about, really? Khushi remembered very little about the night at the party, had she said something when she had gotten home? She didn’t think so. Not really. Then what had set him so firmly against NK? She would never know, because Khushi wasn’t about to ask Arnav. This thing between them, could drag out as long or as short as he wanted it to but Khushi wouldn’t be the first to bow. No. Not anymore. There was just too much at stake this time around.
He wouldn’t go home today, Arnav knew. Being at the apartment felt like he was waging a heartbreak warfare and Arnav couldn’t take it much longer. She had seemed so immune to it all. It was as if him being there, not being there didn’t matter to her as it once had. Arnav threw his arm behind his head; this apartment at Greater Kailash I that he was using now was meant to be his bachelor pad, he smiled wryly. Somehow, he just didn’t seem to be in the mood to use it for the purpose he had bought it. So now, Arnav lived here when he wasn’t at the office or paying a cursory visit to home; to make sure that she was alright. Maybe, he thought, a thick knot tightening at his throat, it was time for them to move away from each other. She could keep the apartment at Rohini, where they live and he would live here at GKI. There would be space between them; enough so that he didn’t cause her any unwitting hurt and their relationship would be salvageable to some extent. Arnav swallowed, unwilling to believe, unable to not read the writing on the wall. He felt torn, his baby had grown up enough not to need him and yet, something told him that he needed her more than she needed him. She was his, he knew that but maybe, he closed his eyes tight - it was time for Arnav to step aside, to make room for Singhania. After all, he smiled bitterly, she was happy there. She had smiled and laughed with him in a way she hadn’t with Arnav for months and months and could Arnav fault her for it, really? Arnav had forgotten the first rule of life with her - they never stay. He had seen it with birds, and with all free creatures. Khushi had, since the day they had first met, after all been the most free spirited of them all.
He heard his phone ring; it was around 2 AM and there was only one person he knew who would call, he answered his phone. “Hello! Arnav! Where are you? I’ve been waiting up for you all night!” she said, trying to hide the tremors in her voice. Why was that? “You know you have diabetes Arnav, what are you thinking staying out, partying this late.” Ah. That’s why. Arnav broke in, suddenly out of patience with the world, “Khushi, I am not coming home tonight. See you at the office tomorrow,” and he hung up. She could keep her concern, he thought fiercely, getting up and turning on the stereo.
Love, let me sleep tonight
On your couch..
And remember the smell
And the fabric
Of your simple city dress..
Oh... That was so real
He walked around, looking down from the enormous windows in the bedroom of his 25th floor apartment, Delhi looked so small. Arnav walked towards the dresser and poured himself a peg of scotch, and sprawled down on the recliner to listen.
We walked around
'til the moon got full
Like a plate..
And the wind blew an invocation
And I fell asleep
At the gate..
He remembered her, the little 11 years old who had taken to following him around, melted his tough heart of 16. Every vacation he would come home from boarding school, there she was, with her jalebis and sweets - sugar free this time. His mother had found it hilarious, Arnav’s entourage, she would gently tease, surprised that it hadn’t really bothered him. So, she had taught Khushi how to use artificial sweeteners.
And I never stepped on the cracks 'cause I thought I'd hurt my mother
And I couldn't awake from the nightmare
That sucked me in
And pulled me under
Pulled me under
At his insistence, she had been enrolled in a school, learning to read and write. Her letters had nearly drowned him since then, every week, like clockwork, a letter would arrive from Sheesh Mahal, Lucknow to his boarding school called Merchiston at a drafty keep at Edinburgh, Scotland. Arnav would fret about the cost, knowing that she would skimp and save from her meagre earning to send him the letters. He had told his mother to make sure she didn’t spend any more and he guessed she had because the letters had then more than doubled. Arnav smiled, he was pretty sure he was the only 17 years old who had got at least 5 letters a week from home. Then, she had been a symbol of home even then. As she had embodied it, now.
I love you..
But I'm afraid to love you
I Love you
But I'm afraid to love - you...
I'm afraid...
Oh... That was so real
Oh... That was so real
Jeff Buckley, he smiled. The song ended, the last stanza tugging at his heartstrings for some reason. Arnav suppressed it ruthlessly, he didn’t want to know. He really didn’t. Those memories, sweet as they were, are in the past and she was a grown woman now. A woman, his lips twisted, in more ways than one. He tightly closed his eyes and gulped down the scotch he had been sipping until that point. Yes, something needed to be done about this situation he thought darkly. He was pretty sure He couldn’t take any more of it. Arnav got up and went to pour himself another drink. There were a lot of things to plan out, a lot to see to if this was to be done. Could he do it though?
She had gotten up early that day. It was the most important day of the year for her, wasn’t it? Arnav was coming back! she had been filled with nervous energy to the brim all morning! And the best part was- in his last letter, he had said that this time he wouldn’t be going back to school! She had made sure that the malai Ladoos and the jalebis were all made perfectly- just as he liked them- and sweet too! Badi Malkin had taught her about artificial sweeteners after she had cried about him not being able to eat sweet sweets for no fault of his. She had been running back and forth from the Living Room to the Halwai chauki all day- to see what time it was, to count the number of hours left for him to arrive. Hari Prakashji was being very mean about it- but didn’t dare to say anything- she thought with a secret smile- Badi Malkin and Arnav (Chotte Sahib, she said in her mind, it would not do to lose that habit) would take him to task if she ended up in tears today, of all days.
She had heard it then, the horn. Then the commotion outside- like always, all the family members going outside to greet Chotte Sahib of the Mahal. She had run to his room, carefully placing the first box of sweets on the bed there. She would wait for her turn.
“Chottey!” she had heard Badi Malkin’s panicked voice scream- and her heart had skipped a beat. What was wrong? She dashed down the stairs- almost falling off the second flight, but catching herself in time. And then- they had come into view. Doctor Sahib, rushing behind the form of Bade Malik and Chacha Sahib, Holding... Arnav. Tears had welled up in her eyes. His eyes were closed- he was pale... unwell. “Devi Maiyya, Devi Maiyya, Devi Maiyya, Devi Maiyya” she had chanted, her hand clutching at her throat, as sobs threatened to choke her. What had happened to Arnav? Nothing could happen to him! She had followed discreetly after Badi Malkin, hiding behind the pillar in the corridor that held his room. Listening in to the Doctor’s talk. Hypoglycaemia. He needed sugar? But didn’t they say he was not allowed to eat it? Ever? She had pushed that thought away- right now, he needed sugar, urgently. She had dashed down to the kitchen then, her small hands shaking terribly as she searched for the small box of jalebis she always made for herself at the end of her work. She had sighed in relief, when she had spotted it on the far shelf, praying that it still had those sweet jalebis. Grabbing the high stool, she had climbed onto it and jumped up- grabbing the box at her third try- and almost tumbling to the floor. but she hadn’t stopped. Arnav needed sugar. She had gotten up, brushed herself off- and rushed upstairs again- not even feeling afraid of getting lost in the maze like palace. Arnav needed sugar.
She had once again hidden herself behind the pillar outside of his room, as she saw the doctor and her employers walking out- looking worried. she waited till they had turned the corner, and then quietly made her way inside the room. her eyes welling up, lips trembling, as she stopped herself from sobbing lest she disturb him. But he wasn’t sleeping. He was propped up against some pillows, looking weak but not unconscious.
“I was wondering why you hadn’t come to meet me.” he said, opening his eyes- and her sobs broke through. She had rushed to the bed, and extended the box of jalebis, still sobbing.
“Khushi?” he had asked, worriedly. “Sshh. Khushi, what happened?” he had asked her, trying to sit up completely, as he patted his bed next to him- indicating her to sit down. and she had thrown her arms around him- startling him. he had hugged her back after a few moments, awkwardly. then pulled back, his eyes searching her face- still looking worried. “Khushi, why are you crying? Did HP say something? I’ll tell Ma to fire him.” He had finished angrily and she had shaken her head, sniffling, wiping her tears on her sleeve.
“The...the Doctor Sahib said you...you were not well. Hy-hy-hypoglycaemia.” she had hiccuped, and he had looked taken aback for a moment before he had burst out laughing. She had watched him in bewilderment and growing anger as he had laughed and laughed. he had stopped finally, wiping his eyes, as she had crossed her arms indignantly, still sniffling. “I just forgot to take my medicines last night and for some days during the Exams, Khushi. So my sugar levels dropped. I’m well enough.” he had said, and she had wiped her hand across her face. Her heart slowing down to normal after what felt like years.
“But what have we got here?” he asked, his eyes twinkling in amusement, as he had opened the box she had handed him, and a startled laugh had burst from his lips as he saw the Jalebis in it. “You brought me your jalebis?” he asked her, his voice filled with wonder, and she had nodded. “They... they have extra sugar... no sweeteners.” she had told him, settling down beside him and watching him take them out of the box. “Will you eat them? Will you need more?” she had asked and he had smiled, shaking his head.
“I will eat these, but you make more for yourself. And where is my other box of Sweets?” he had asked, and she had smiled in relief. He was going to be okay. He was not unwell. He was not Leaving. She had gotten up and crossed around to the other side of the bed, fishing out his box of special sweets from behind a pillow. and the smile he had bestowed upon her had made her day. Arnav was well... everything in her world was well.
She looked out the tiny window as the plane taxied down the runway. Maybe this was the wrong thing to do, but she hadn’t been really thinking about what was right when she had decided to come here. she did have to sort out the Naivedyam launch in Bangalore... but it hadn’t been as urgent as she had made it out to be. Arnav hanging up on her like that had been the last straw though, and she had snapped. A week of worrying about his health and then he doesn’t even bother to tell her where he was, before snapping at her and hanging up. She had been pissed. And she had done the first thing that had come to her mind. She had packed her bags, and gotten on the first plane to Bangalore. Fine, she thought, her nose flaring, he didn’t want to talk? Fine. She wouldn’t talk then.
Arnav walked into the office at ten and walked past her cabin, before he stopped and turned back. Why was it empty? He had peeped in, maybe she was looking at some files or something and that’s why she hadn’t been sitting on her chair. He looked around and stepped in. Washroom, maybe? he thought, his eyes straying to the chair that didn’t seem as if anyone had sat on it that day. Was she late? Maybe she had overslept? He would.... he would have Aman call her. He wouldn’t tolerate her slacking at work just because Smoky Singhania had come into her life now. He wouldn’t allow it. She was still his subordinate and ward- however grown up she may think herself to be. He walked straight to Aman’s desk, not stopping or acknowledging any of the greetings that his employees called out to him.
“Aman. Call Ms. Gupta and tell her she’s expected to be at the office in an hour. And tell her tardiness will not be tolerated after this.” he barked at the stunned and scared man, and turned to go to his cabin, when Aman started to speak- stutter.
“Er... Mr. Raizada, Ms. Gupta won’t be coming to the office today. She had called in the morning.”Arnav whipped around and pinned his executive assistant with a glare, “Why is that Aman?” he asked, silkily. He saw the lanky young man visibly swallow and then gather his strength and courage, earning Arnav’s respect all the more. “Ms. Gupta hasn’t given me the details Mr. Raizada but I was told that it was an important order of business,” he said slowly. Arnav nodded curtly, much to Aman’s relief and surprise and walked into his cabin, slamming his door shut.
Aman looked up, sighing. He didn’t know what games his employers were up to and honestly, Aman would never talk about it with anybody but, he wished he could tell them that something wrong was afoot. Would they listen to him? Aman winced, hearing something slam in Arnav’s room. What had Mr. Raizada broken this time? Would Aman be required to replace it like the last time in the shortest timespan possible? Aman shook his head. What did he ever do to deserve this? What’s worse, why didn’t he want to look for other jobs?
Aman looked up, sighing. He didn’t know what games his employers were up to and honestly, Aman would never talk about it with anybody but, he wished he could tell them that something wrong was afoot. Would they listen to him? Aman winced, hearing something slam in Arnav’s room. What had Mr. Raizada broken this time? Would Aman be required to replace it like the last time in the shortest timespan possible? Aman shook his head. What did he ever do to deserve this? What’s worse, why didn’t he want to look for other jobs?
Arnav picked up his phone again, the seventh time in an hour. Should he call her? Should he give her space to do what she wanted to? Khushi was not the sort of person who just took off when fancy struck her and... unlike him, he admitted, sighing. Yes, he was someone like that, Khushi wasn’t. So, it must be something important then, he thought hopefully. The next second though, Arnav nixed the idea. Nothing important ever happened at AR that he didn’t know about. Arnav was too much of a control freak (and yes, he would be the first to admit it) to let go that much control of the company that was birthed with his sweat, blood and tears. So, nothing important was happening at AR that would require Khushi to leave suddenly. He frowned. Important order of business, Aman had said. His mood blackened a hundred-fold when another thought struck him. “Singhania,” he growled. If she was missing work because of that no-good thieving smoker sonofabitch, she was in for it. This was getting ridiculous! As if standing Lunch dates and sneaking behind his back hadn’t been enough- she was missing work for him now! What spell did that no-good lecher have her under? Khushi had never put anything above her work- and their company. Yes. As much as she denied it- this company had her years of work in it too- even though she insisted that she wasn’t directly involved in it. They both knew better. And now she was ditching it for the whatshisface Singhania? Arnav immediately backtracked. She wasn’t a liar. Whatever Khushi was, lying wasn’t her thing. She would have said she was taking time off for personal reasons if she had thought that she would be spending time with NK Singhania. So, she must be out there somewhere. She might be needing him. Before Arnav had known it, he had dialled her number on his phone - once. She hadn’t answered. So he had called again. And again. And again.
By the next hour, he had started panicking. He was sure now, that she was in trouble. His little girl needed him. Arnav had dialled her number for probably the 5oth time when she had finally answered. Her voice was suspiciously blank when she told him that she was at Bangalore, Naivedyam expansion business. Where was she? He had demanded to know, and she had answered in that same listless voice, Room 512, The Park Bangalore at the Mahatma Gandhi Road. She couldn’t have stayed at the Raizada Royale Bengaluru? Why was that? Her attempt to escape him. Did she think she could really do it? What had Khushi been thinking really? Had they parted from each other to that extent? By the time Arnav had made it to the Delhi domestic Airport, he was fuming. There would be some answers had this time Ms. Gupta. You better hold on to your horses, he fumed. Arnav hadn’t lost his temper to this extent in years. In some ways, it was freeing; exhilarating while in other ways, it frightened him, somewhere at the back of his mind. What would happen when he saw her?
He had jumped out the taxi and thrust a note in the driver’s hand- without bothering to wait for the change. however much it was, he could keep it. he strode in, ignoring the protesting Manager and bellboys as he strode up to the elevator and punched in the number 5. He was already striding towards her suite even before the elevator had finished the ‘ding’ as it closed.
He almost punched the bell in, so furious was he. What was she thinking? This was no way to behave- and he would not take this sitting down. He had not raised her to be a spoilt brat. Why she was behaving like this all of a sudden was beyond him. Well, he would be finding out and setting it right soon enough, he thought grimly. A long lecture was overdue for Ms. Gupta. And she would be getting it today.
She opened the door- and he walked in, banging the door closed behind him. Running his hand through his hair, he turned around and started on her. “Do you have any idea- any idea- what you have put me through you fool? I was worried sick- Sick! You couldn’t bother to tell me before you came here? What is happening here Khush? What is the matter with you?” but he stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of her face. She looked drained. Pale. Her eyes were puffy and red, as if she’d been crying for a whole day- or possibly, days. Her eyes filled up with tears even as he watched with morbid, horrified fascination and she sniffled once, twice- rubbing a fist over her red nose. “Khushi?!” he exclaimed, “Baby?” it was as if a switch was turned on inside her; an audible click. Khushi flung herself on him and if she hadn’t been that slight, Arnav would have wound up on the floor in front of her hotel room. So he carried her, sniffling, clinging to him like a little limpet to the recliner beside her bed, shutting the door behind him with a kick. Arnav sat down with her, while she tightened her hold on him and cried her heart out.
He hugged her to himself- feeling like kicking himself for shouting at her. For not going home all last week. For not talking to her. He wrapped his arms around her small frame tightly and felt her burrowing further in his chest. His Baby. He rested his cheek on her baby soft hair. “Khushi? Sweetheart, don’t cry. Please.” he whispered, even as her sobs grew louder. He rubbed her back, shushing her, patting her head sometimes, kissing her hair, telling her- pleading her- not to cry like that. Her sobs broke his heart to small tiny pieces. He felt helpless. He sat there, cuddling her to himself, waiting for her sobs to die down.
Her arms tightened around him even more, as her sobs slowly abated into quiet sniffles and then to small hiccups. She pulled back from his chest then, her arms still around him- as she scrutinized his face. “I missed you.” she said, her voice small, hoarse. and his heart broke all over again.
He gently pulled her to himself again. “I missed you too.” he said quietly. His rage from before completely forgotten- his plans of moving away from her, his little girl, his Khushi- completely wiped out. He was not going anywhere. And she was not going away from him too.
She pulled back yet again. “Don’t do that again? Promise me.” she said, and he nodded, “You promise me. You won’t, will you?” And she nodded back. She rested her head on his chest again. “Naivedyam Bengaluru has to be opened this week. Will you do the honors?”
He smiled. “Do you even need to ask?” He felt her smile against him and then shake her head.
He didn’t know how long they sat like that. Together. Like Always. But he didn’t care either. He had his family back. and She was staying with him. They were not going to separate. He shuddered inwardly at the mere thought of what he would have done if he had had to go forth with that horrible plan.
And as he sat there, his baby in his arms- hugging him, he realized one very important truth of their life.
They would always need each other- their whole life. He knew it with an undying certainty. Him and Khushi. They wouldn’t be able to live without needing the other. Because, together, they were whole. Apart, they were nothing. It was how things had been arranged all those years ago, she had become his when he had first patched her burnt little fingers up. Somehow, he didn’t think Singhania would be able to rip roots that old away!
And that truth, brought a calm to his heart and soul. Whatever, whoever may come- His Girl would always want him in her life. And if he had to adjust for someone else for some time in her life- he would do that, if it meant she would be happy. Because, if his Khush was happy- didn’t it automatically mean he was happy too?
Arnav smiled, and if there was a question of an alien critter fouling up his life... well there were ways of getting rid of those without really dirtying his hands. Singhania wasn’t going to be around much longer and things would, as they say, smell of flowers again. For now, his pawns will create a Fork on the board, pick up yours Singhania, he thought.
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