Chapter 17
4:06 AM
Arnav at his heart was an escapist and he wouldn’t mind if you pointed it out to him. It was not that he was an escapist when it came to his social life and even his business. He faced challenges there head on, face first - full steam ahead. Maybe that’s why his reticence at facing issues in his personal life would seem that big a surprise to those who knew him. To Arnav though, what bothered him in his personal life would be banished to the back of his mind labelled “DO NOT OPEN” so as far as he was concerned on situations such as this - nothing had happened.Therefore, it had been perhaps easier for him to accept that Khushi would be there, waiting for him at the airport. No matter how big a fuckup it had been, this time around - after all, she was always there, wasn’t she? They were beyond it all. He closed his eyes wearily as the plane taxied down the runway. To be honest, he hadn’t really run away this time. There had been a small fire at the Raizada Royale Delhi. He hadn’t wanted to add to Khushi’s woes. It was small. It had been contained and insurance was picking up the tab. Arnav had just needed to be there because it was his. Aman perhaps could have handled it all on his own. Good man, that Aman. Meanwhile, he hadn’t been able to call for the past four days and now he couldn’t help but think - was she a little angry? He shrugged, putting on his earphones. She had always been mad at him for some reason or the other. The point is, she got over it fast. She would be okay, he thought smiling gently. Khushi had always been the most resilient person he knew. Did that make him selfish? Arnav didn’t know. Maybe. Perhaps. He was, he thought bitterly, after all a Malek way before he was a Raizada. That had to count for something. Khushi would understand. She always did. As the song pumped through the headphones, he got up, and collected his meagre luggage. Time to go home.
He walked out, calling her. She wasn’t picking up but he fully expected her to rush at him hugging from behind so he didn’t really worry. That’s how she had always been. Unpredictable. Sweetly so. At the arrival gate though what he saw made him yank his headphones out and the lines that pumped out seemed eerily close to the truth at the heart of everything...
Your lover's warm kiss
Is too damn far from your fingertips
You are the man that ruined her world
Instead of Khushi stood their chauffeur, Rajkumar Prajapati. The one who always stammered when he spoke, or maybe it was just him, Arnav thought wryly. The one known for his Rajnikanth-like wayfarer ripoff sunglasses. That Rajkumar Prajapati. He stood with a whiteboard on which was scrawled MR. ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA . There was no sign of Ms. Khushi Kumari Gupta anywhere. Ray Bingham still sang from the sanctity of his iPod about the weary kind with almost a prophetic accurateness and Arnav swallowed the sudden lump in his throat as he briskly walked towards the chauffeur.
Your heart's on the loose
You rolled them seven's with nothing to lose
And this ain't no place for the weary kind
That day had finally arrived he thought, eyes wide staring off into the blurred landscape the car sped through, forehead sheened with sudden sweat beads even in the near arctic cold of the car’s air conditioning. Arnav had finally disappointed Khushi beyond redemption.
It had finally happened. He sighed. He had always known it was too good to be true, too good to last him endlessly- somewhere in the back of his mind... it was only the first time that he acknowledged it. Rubbing his hand across his face wearily, he slumped back in the seat. A thing Arnav Singh Raizada rarely had done. But it was expected from a person who had just lost their Life Support, wasn’t it? She had always been the strength behind his ability to keep his spine straight and head held high. What would he do now?
He walked into their apartment Percy in tow, barking joyously. At least someone was happy to see him, he thought snarkily even as he saw what lay in front of him and came to a halt. There she sat... no twined on the couch... on the huge couch with NK fucking Singhaniya like they were conserving space for some new global fad. Her in those high waisted tomato red, mid thigh length, A-line skirts she loved wearing with a Halston Heritage bone coloured draped chiffon top with asymmetric neckline and the lack of sleeves emphasizing on her delicate built. Her limbs glowed with good health and better moisturizing. She looked and smelled... scrumptious. He could smell the Dark Kiss from that far away. Tangled with Singhaniya’s. What was rightfully his. He could almost touch them. Those glistening legs. He wanted to. He needed to. Craved it. It was he who wanted his own legs tangled up in hers. In far less innocent settings. Arnav swallowed. Not now. Not right now, he begged inwardly. He looked again, unconsciously straightening his back. She was resting her head on the bastard’s shoulder, like she usually did on HIS watching a movie on HIS TV. Was that a bloody rom com? Arnav almost gagged. He rolled his eyes as Singhaniya pulled her closer and banged the door shut. She didn’t flinch.
“Hey,” he called out, somewhat uncertainly. How angry was she? She turned and looked, a distracted smile on her peach tinted lips. Her hair... what happened to her hair? Who took his Khushi away and replaced her with that wild child straight out of the 90s? She looked like all his favourite wet-dream goddesses - Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer, Kathy Ireland, Linda Evangelista, Rebecca Romijin, Eva Herzigova - from his teenage years in a lonely Scottish boys’ school rolled together in one delicious package. Waves. Bangs. Wild. He wanted to fist his hand into it. In fact, it was as if she was daring him to do it. Pull her by that sexy topknot. Towards him. For... Why had she cut her hair? What made her do it? She looked perfectly fine with the haircut she had before! The long hair a remnants of the tiny woebegone 11 years old he had first met and made his own! He would ruffle it and immediately remember that child! Why did she have to go on and change it now? Arnav shook his head somewhat frantically. Not now. Please. Not now! “Hey!” came the less than enthusiastic greeting while she flashed him a quick impersonal smile and turned around to watch the movie again while NK waved at him politely. Arnav nodded back curtly and walked away. When did fucking Singhaniya come to Mumbai again? Why did he? Not for the Raizada Royale Mumbai launch? Aww hell! He had. Arnav just knew it. The bastard wasn’t going away anytime soon. Was he supposed to play host to him? Wasn’t that what he had wanted? A voice inside his head chimed in. Wasn’t it? Khushi interested in someone else. Dating someone else who could give him the sense of completeness that Arnav wasn’t capable of? Well seemed like everything was moving along to his plans. Why did it hurt... No. He corrected himself. Not Hurt. Why did it sting so bad? He sighed. Synonyms never changed the basic meaning though. He stroked Perseus who was yelping happily. At least somebody was happy to see him. Arnav Singh Raizada strode towards his bedroom, leading the puppy in with him and just barely resisted the urge to bang his door shut like a recalcitrant teenager.
He almost flinched when he heard her tinkling laugh sail in through the hallway, half winced when he heard that fucker’s low amused voice murmured something to her, and cringed when he heard her muted shriek of laughing ecstasy, as she said, “NK!” in a half amused half admonishing tone- and he visualized them sitting entwined with each other, her eyes shining with glee and something...else. For Someone else. Khushi hitting Singhania playfully on the chest, her cheeks tinted with a very becoming shade of pink, as Smoky whispered something in her ear, and then Smoky Fucker Singhania pulling her towards him- tasting her lips like he had done barely a week back, running his hands through those short locks, making them look even more wild, anchoring her to himself by his lips- and Khushi not resisting... reciprocating. Arnav almost violently shook his head, and got up so fast he scared Percy into hiding beneath the desk. That was sure as hell not happening in his house. Khushi-deserving-someone-whole mission be damned. His Baby was sure as hell not kissing NK fucking Singhania. Not until Arnav Singh Raizada was alive and well, at least. And so, Arnav yanked the door open and stomped out his room ready to take on a hundred such NK’s if it meant keeping his Khush safe and with him. Always with him. Fuck that.
He had just walked back into the Living room, only to see another sight that sent his temper soaring. NK Singhania was standing at the door, his arms folded across his chest, a smug smirk on his face as he scrutinized a hysterically giggling Khushi with a tender expression in his eyes, as Khushi supported her small form against him, her hands clutching at his shoulders as she laughed her head off at something or the other that he had said. Something goofy, I bet. He thought, a small part of his mind reminding him that it had always been him, Arnav, that made Khushi smile, Laugh... and cry too. When had he been excluded from her life? Why hadn’t he realized that? He could have stopped it, couldn’t he? He could have glued her to himself, never letting her get this far away.... It was as if there was a great, long ever increasing bridge in between them now. A distance he would have to scale before he could bring their relationship back to normal. And even as he thought this, there was another part of his mind that wondered- could their relationship ever be back to what it was?
He was startled out of his musings as he watched the fucker slip a hand around Khushi’s waist, his large rough looking fingers lightly caressing the part of her back that was left bare by her excuse for a top. Arnav gritted his teeth, breathing hard through his nose, as he felt a surge of annoyance shoot through him, when NK hoisted her with one hand against himself, and bent down to whisper something in her ear- and Khushi’s eyes widened. And so did her smile. She hit him on the chest and Arnav flinched, that was exactly what he had been fearing. He had to stop this... and he had to stop it now. But before he could even take a step towards them, he heard Singhania say- in that sick, raspy voice of his. “Come on, Gorgeous, Drop me to the Elevator, Eh?” and then waggled his eyebrows somewhat, suggestively, and Arnav had to clench his fist and hold himself back by sheer force of will, lest he get violent. Khushi however giggled some more, to Arnav increasing irritation and waltzed out the door to drop NK to the elevator.
Oh he knew what NK would be demanding next, that bastard! Hadn’t he been in that position a lot of times? After having a great time with some beautiful chica, smiling a charming smile at her as the poor girl looked at him with shining and satisfied eyes ready to do whatever he demanded. And then asking her for a small goodbye peck- which would inevitably into a passionate make-out session right outside the elevator.... sometimes culminating in an even more passionate session inside the elevator. He shuddered, he couldn’t imagine anybody doing that to his Khush! How could he let that happen to her? It would only end in heartbreak! He knew it- hadn’t he dished that out to many on his own? However, the next thought that skittered through his mind, stopped him cold.
They had been lying on the couch, legs tangled and Khushi’s head on NK’s shoulder, a content smile on their faces when he had come in. Did that mean.... had they...? Arnav shuddered. No, Khushi wouldn’t do that... she was a good girl- she would never...
Wouldn’t she, though? After all, he had never even thought about her cutting her long hair off like that- make herself into some wild cat right out of his dreams- but she had done that hadn’t she? Couldn’t she go one... several steps ahead and do that too? He slumped down on the couch- an insane urge to yell and break something warring with the urge to wait for Khushi and demand answers from her. Shake some sense into that pretty little wild head of hers. Shake her till those pearly whites of her rattled, till she understood that she could not go off with NK like that...
He had just sat down on the couch- the same couch that they had been lounging on so comfortably when he felt something prick him. Furrowing his eyebrows, Arnav stood up and turned to look down at the couch- why did it feel like he was sitting on a pack of some kind? And then his eyes widened. As his hand extended numbly to pick up the thing that had pricked him. The thing that had been lying on the couch.... the same couch where Khushi had been comfortably... lying with NK Fucking Singhania. And he finally snapped.
It was square of green foil. One he had perhaps used countless number of times. It was Durex’s Tropical Mint Flavored rubber and Arnav didn’t know if he was to gag or, simply choke to death. He certainly couldn’t breathe from the moment he took the piece of foil in his hand. He sat, staring. Eyes unseeing. Was he supposed to talk to Khushi about it? Was he supposed to simply ignore it? What should he do? How was he supposed to live with this? Arnav felt as if he was choking, lips tightening into a thin straight line, whitening. Bloodless. His lungs craved air that he couldn’t seem to draw into himself. He could almost see the black spots dancing in front of his eyes. Bidding him to fade away. What was he to do?
His head snapped up as she came back in, a big smile still on her face, her eyes unfocused as she hummed to herself- and Arnav realized just what white hot rage meant. Noisily getting up off the couch, he felt a tinge of satisfaction when she jumped as he spoke. “What. The hell. Is This. Khushi?” His voice came out a mixture of Revolted, Stern and Angry. She turned to him, and smiled that small formal smile again. Impersonal, as if he meant nothing to her. And he had to grip the back of the couch to contain himself.
“What are you talking about Arnav?” she asked him. And Arnav almost snorted. Confused, are you? Don’t know what I’m talking about? I don’t think so! “I asked what was he doing here Khushi?” he asked, in a more modulated tone. She looked back at him like butter wouldn’t melt in that mouth and said, “I thought I was allowed to have my guests in my home Arnav, or are you here to tell me differently?” he shrugged helplessly and she sauntered away. “There’s lunch on a plate in the fridge. Nuke it if you want to. I’m off to my room.” he looked at her retreating back, ass swaying enticingly on those heels she wore so frequently these days. “Khushi,” he called out, deceptively gently. “You dropped something on the couch,” she turned to look and he strode towards her, placing the foil pack on her hand. Arnav walked away, well aware that her eyes were looking at him intently.
Khushi stared, well aware what he had thought when he had seen the rubber. It hadn’t been on purpose. She wasn’t sure how she was to process the knowledge. Then an unwilling smile broke out on her lips as she tried to suppress gasps of laughter mingled with pain and horror. Trust it to happen to them. Only them!
“Khushi?” NK had called out to his glum friend watching the chick flick so intently. She had for the first time ever not gone off to pick up her ex-guardian from his return from some business trip or the other. The end of an era, he mused. Or the beginning of a new one? He was well aware how unhappy she was at the moment. Well... he knew one thing - no pain no gain. There really was nothing he could do to make her smile. She turned to look at him, eyes shimmering with tears. “Khushi!” he called out again, struck by inspiration. “When you were in school, have you ever heard of rubber animals?” she shook her head. NK was aware that Khushi was notoriously tight lipped about her past and while he didn’t quite understand her equation with Raizada, he wasn’t a man who pried. Everyone was entitled to their secrets - didn’t he just know it? He laughed somewhat darkly. Oh yes, secrets. He had his shares of them. “Well...” he drawled, putting his hands into his pocket and drawing out a few foil packets that had her eyes widening. He felt one tumble out and decided to get it later. “You take out a rubber,” she watched the action warily as he withdrew a peach tinted strawberry flavored one, “You blow into it” he did and swiftly tied the ends. “Then a flick here, and a flick there,” he expertly twisted the balloon into - “Voila! A poodle for mademoiselle!” and Khushi stared. At the ridiculous pink poodle in his hand and broke off into peals of laughter. “When we were in school...” he said musingly, “We discovered condoms very early. Except, we weren’t sure what to do with them. So, we made balloon animals,” he said bashfully while Khushi howled with glee. Soon, a mint flavored bunny followed alongside a grape flower and a banana flavored duckling. After admiring his collection of flavor bouquet, Khushi gleefully popped them all and discarded the rest. The lone foil pack that had slid into the corners of the couch, forgotten as they had resumed laughingly to watch the terrible chick flick.
Khushi was well aware what Arnav had made out of it. The truth was after all, so outrageous that nobody would ever consider it, really. She decided to let the sleeping dogs lie. What difference did it make to Arnav if he had thought that she was sleeping with NK Singhaniya? At least this way, she saved some face. She snorted again. Stuffing her fist into her mouth as she turned around and almost sprinted into her room. It wouldn’t do to laugh in front of Arnav right now would it? She would have to give him some time to get warmed to the idea of her being in a... er... physical relationship with a man. She had needed it hadn’t she? When she had discovered just what he did with those women he went out with? Really realized it for real? It was one thing to know in theory what they did.... a whole different thing to be given solid proof it. And that did take time to sink in.
Rummaging through her wardrobe, Khushi smiled as she thought about how much fun she was going to have with NK. He had invited her for a Dinner date, and she had jumped at the opportunity. Anything to get away from Arnav High and Mighty Raizada for a while. At least till she managed to calm her feelings and hurt down. She had to get them back to normal again. Because whatever happened, she couldn’t afford to lose Arnav. She had already lost far too many loved ones in her life. And her and Arnav’s relationship was the only one that been the rock for her in her turbulent life. And he was the only one who she knew would stand by her, no matter what. She would just have to crush that pesky love that had somehow changed their equation. She just knew it. And she would accept it- it would just take a little time. Shaking her head, Khushi pulled out her outfit for the evening, and examined it critically.
It was an Erdem. An Ariel Lace dress made up of Black Chantilly lace on nude bodice and as an overlay over a bright pink satin skirt. Belted with silver hammered flowers. It was a simple A-line skirt to her knees and Chantilly lace three quarter sleeves with scalloped bateau neckline. Khushi loved it. She had worn a pop of fuchsia on her lips and nails, with David Yurman cable wrap earrings of Pink Tourmaline and a Christian Louboutin Vampanodo satin bow sandals in Fuchsia again. Khushi was ready. As ready as she could ever be, anyway.
Twirling in front of the mirror once, she smiled a bright beaming smile- thanking God for giving her a friend like NK- he sure knew how to lift her spirits! And promptly giggled some more as the balloon animals popped into her mind, and walked out her room, ready to enjoy the evening away!
She had picked her keys up, and was just about to step out of the house, when she heard him. “And just where do you think you’re going?” Her eyebrows rose up as she did an about turn and scrutinized him carefully. What the hell was the matter with this man? t was as if it had been her who had hurt him! And he was exacting revenge for that, being all pig-headed! Sighing wearily, she resisted the urge to rub her temples and snap at him. Closing her eyes, drawing in a deep calming breath, she smiled at him- more like grimaced, but she really didn’t care at that particular moment. Whoa... I really do need to get out before I say something that damages this already fragile thing we have going! She thought and worked at widening her smile a little.
“I’m going out, Arnav. Is there something wrong?” she asked him pleasantly, actively keeping the cold steel out of her voice. But she couldn’t control herself when he asked her- “At this time? Are you out of your mind Khushi? And where do you mean by out?”
“That’s none of your business!” she snapped, and then closed her eyes again when he looked taken aback at her outburst. “Arnav,” she started yet again, gently this time. “Don’t forget to have your Dinner on time and Please take your medicines, alright? Don’t wait up late, get some rest, you look exhausted.” She sighed again as he folded his arms across his chest, a blank expression falling on his face.
“I’m a big girl now, Arnav. I can take care of myself. And the faster you accept this fact, the better it will be.” she said, unable to keep the coldness out of her voice- and turned around and made herself walk away... before she said something else- something drastic that would be impossible to get over.
Arnav felt numb. She was a Big Girl now. When had that happened? Where had he been? How had he missed it? Arnav Singh Raizada, whose life revolved around Khushi Kumari Gupta. Who could put any and all those deals on hold for one small event of Khushi’s, how had he missed such an important event? Had he turned blind? Not seeing her growing up? Or had he been too weak to let go of that one comfort that he had in his life? That craving for someone he could call his... keep with himself... forever? Big Girl... he had observed that alright hadn’t he? The haircut, the dresses, the beautiful glow she had around her... he had noticed that. But had she grown up enough to be like this? These dates... spending nights with Men when she should be home, enjoying a happy dinner with him, the indifference towards him when he had been all she had thought about at one point of time, the... the rubber? He shuddered. Did this mean that the thing he had feared for so long had finally happened? That now he was of no importance to her? Did that mean she didn’t need him anymore? Did this mean that.... that he should prepare himself for her announcing her leaving him sometime soon? He shuddered, violently, burying his face in his hands.
His eyes closed and he was immediately assaulted with a vision- a beautiful vision that sent him reeling, gasping for breath, his heart thudding, his throat catching in panic. There she was, a heavy Red and Green Lehenga with elaborate gota work done on it, a blush that matched the red of her lehenga painting her cheeks, making her glow beautifully. The folds of the lehenga looking like an immaculate waterfall of exuberant elegance as it fell down to her feet, bordered with a forest green, the stones at the edges glinting- winking at him. Her dark long hair plaited in a heavy braid, white flowers adorning it, as it fell down her left shoulder to her waist. the choli a beautiful green, sparkling with the same stones that adorned the lehenga. Ending just above her navel, giving a tantalising view of her small bare waist, and the thin golden kamarpatta that sat there snugly. The ghunghat placed on her head, falling behind her, A gold Maangtika adorning her forehead, beautiful filigreed works on it. The heavy set of Emeralds and Rubies glinting at her throat, setting her face aglow. Her nose glinting due to the small nose pin- was it a Diamond? Her eyes lined with Kohl, shining in glee- in happiness. Her lips stretched in the most beautifully engaging smile he had ever seen. She was a vision of Simple Elegant Perfection. His Khushi. And then his breath stopped at the next moment, because that vision came forward, tilted her head in that uniquely Khushi style of hers, and said to him.
“Will you give me away, Arnav?”
His eyes flew open as his hand extended of its own accord, “NO!” he cried out, his fingers clutching desperately in mid-air. and he realized that if he didn’t stop her now, He would have to face that vision in reality. Because she would one day go away. Like all of them had. Maa. Di... and now Khushi. But he couldn’t let her. Because he had survived Maa and Di’s absence- because of Khushi. Only her. He wouldn’t be able to live without her. And he would do everything in his power to keep her with him. Anything and Everything.
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