Chapter 21
4:17 AM
The 8 o'clock alarm on the radio went off; caused it to automatically tune into Radio Mirchi’s Happy Mornings on 98.3 FM. A song pumped out... waking her. A slender hand engulfed by a larger arm, that went on to encircle a tiny waist blindly searched for the cause of the noise. First one eye opened. Then the other. Hazel. Dazed. Sleep deprived. Ringed with dark lashes. She hadn’t slept much last night after all. But from the feel of things... she had at that time thought of sleep as a worthless, overhyped commodity. She still wasn’t sure if she was wrong. Her eyes widened to take in her surrounding - not her bedroom, surely? No... before the events of the twilight hours came rushing back. Fully. Bringing her out of the foggy daze that had until then shrouded her mind. All that had happened. Something lost. And Something much more precious gained... or had she?
Kehte Hain Khuda Ne
Is Jahan Mein Sabhi Ke Liye
Kisi Na Kisi Ko Hai
Banaya Har Kisi Ke Liye
Tera Milna Hai
Us Rab Ka Ishara Maanu
Mujhko Banaya
Tere Jaise Hi Kisi Ke Liye
She lay there. Eyes wide. Taking it all in. Absorbing the shock of her mindless actions. She turned to look around. He was sleeping. Like an exhausted child. The shadows of the sleepless night more pronounced under his eyes. Lips softened with sleep. The relaxed muscles of his face making the bladed angles seem more vulnerable than ever. What had she done? How could she ever make it up to him? There were no excuses. None. She was in her senses. So was he, she knew. She also knew how easy it was for a man to turn confrontation into something more... earthy. Last night’s events were just another example of it. She had seen it as a child. It hadn’t changed since then... Had it? She didn’t hold it against Arnav for making love... having sex with her. It was biological. She enjoyed it. Khushi wasn’t the type to cry over spilt milk... or lost virginity. If it had meant more to her than to him... well, she couldn’t hold it against him either. She was a spinner wasn’t she? A PR specialist. She had to use all that she had learned to make their relationship work. If she knew Arnav at all... this happening between them? It would have placed him on the back-foot. Whatever Khushi had lost, would lose in the future... She wouldn’t be able to live with losing what she had with Arnav -at all. She looked at him for the last time, and smiled. Recalling Aman mumbling something about him being the Satan incarnate. Well... she brushed aside a lock of that floppy hair off his face. It would forever irritate him. Thus the gel and the mousse and the countless hair products cluttering his sink. She brushed it aside again. Well Aman, she thought, smiling a little. What would you do if you could see that Satan sleeps like a little boy?
Kuch Toh Hai Tujhse Raabta
Kuch Toh Hai Tujhse Raabta
Kaise Hum Jaane Hume Kya Pata
Kuch Toh Hai Tujhse Raabta
She sat up, his hand still encircling her waist- and sighed. What wouldn’t she do for this to last? But it was not going to happen, was it? Her hand softly caressing his cheek as he mumbled something in his sleep, his lips slightly open as he breathed through his mouth. His fingers digging a little more into the skin at her waist. Tears that would come really easily to Khushi’s eyes usually, refused to come today. Her eyes burnt as she looked down at his peaceful face. Her nose undoubtedly going red. He had always teased her about that. For as long as he had known her. A small sad smile playing at her lips as her hand went to run through his hair. He had always said that she was his Baby. But in many ways... He had been her Baby too. Her first Love. She had made it her business to make known every aspect of his life. However traumatic it may be. But she needed to know. His heart’s desires. His Dreams. His fears. His insecurities. Everything. Would this one night change that, then? She shook her head. No. Of Course Not! How could she let one... insignificant night change it all? She couldn’t. Because, as much as she hated to admit it, this man lying beside her... was her life. She laughed, ruefully as she heard the next words of the song that was playing. How true, she mused. How True.
Tu Humsafar Hai
Phir Kya Fiqar Hai
Jeene Ki Vajah Hi
Yahi Marna Isi Ke Liye
Kehte Hain Khuda Ne
Is Jahan Mein Sabhi Ke Liye
Kisi Na Kisi Ko Hai
Banaya Har Kisi Ke Liye
He had been her Partner all her life, hadn’t he? Her support system. The one she depended on. The one she looked up to. Her only loved one. The one who had taught her to trust, to love. The one who was responsible- solely responsible- for the woman she was today. And she had been his. Hadn’t she? Everything that had happened in her life- everything she had done... and would do, it would be for him. Only him. She couldn’t stand in his way could she, then? He had done everything for her. He had practically raised her. Worked nights so she could pay her tuition fees. Taken double shifts so they could live in a safe place. Couldn’t she do this much for him, then? She knew he would feel guilty. She knew him. He would happily sacrifice his life if it meant she would be happy. But for once, she wanted to do that for him. She wanted to see him back to that Happy, Content Arnav Singh Raizada that he had been before she had started this mess. She would not be a burden this time. Like she had told him, she was a big girl now. It was time for her to do something that would make him happy. And if that meant crushing her love for him, well then so be it. She sure as hell was not going to let him get into a relationship with her under pressure. The desire... what had happened last night between them... it had been growing for some time, now. Maybe, she closed her eyes knowing well that she was lying to herself. Maybe it needed to be out of the way. Maybe now it was out of the way.... they could go back to their old comfortable, loving relationship. She looked down at him again. She wished. Closing her eyes, she sighed again. It was time to get up... and clean up the mess she had created. She pulled his arm, gently keeping it beside him. Getting up, she moved away from the bed, and turned... to look at him. Once. And tears finally glistened in her eyes, as she saw him sleepily reaching out for her. His fingers searching the bed for... her.
She moved towards him, not able to stop herself. Her heart pounding. Brushing away her tears, she bent down, softly kissing his forehead. Her heart rate quickening and then slowing down as tenderness for the one Man in her life engulfed her. The sigh escaping his lips as his frown relaxed into a small smile when her lips caressed his forehead, making the tears come back, full force. She ran a hand through his hair again. She would do everything in her power to keep that smile there. She thought. Everything. Her eyes slid to his lips. Those lips that had given her such pleasure last night. Her thumb rubbed across the full lower lip as he sighed again, and a short laugh bubbled up in her chest. Bending down she brushed her lips against his. Softly, once, twice. Three times. A vague image of them standing together with a small puppy between them on a deserted road coming back to her. Her eyes fell closed as she kissed him again. And then withdrew. Their Last Kiss. Much like their First one. Poetic Justice, maybe?
Meharbaani Jate Jate
Mujh Pe Kar Gaya
Guzarta Sa Lamha
Ek Daman Bhar Gaya
Tera Nazara Mila
Roshan Sitara Mila
Taqdeer Ki Qashtiyon Ko
Kinara Mila
Sadiyon Se Tarse Hai
Jaisi Zindagi Ke Liye
Teri Sauhbat Mein
Duaayein Hain Ussi Ke Liye
Tere Milna Hai Uss Rab Ka Ishara
Maanu Mujhko Banaya
Tere Jaise Hi Kisi Ke Liye
The Man who had given her her name. Who was responsible for her continued existence. Who had been always by her side. Who had spent sleepless nights at her bedside when she had been ill. Who had made cups of tea and coffee for her when she was studying for exams. Who had dropped her to the Exam Halls, carrying her bag and asking if she had everything, worrying himself over her papers. Analysing every little thing that happened to or with her. Helping her through every important and not-so-important moment of her life. It was her turn now. And she could live with not having him completely to herself couldn’t she? She had lived till now, hadn’t she? And now she had a beautiful memory. Of them. Together. In Essence. She would live with it. What she couldn’t live without was Him. And she refused to let her mindless desire boggled actions of last night to break their relationship. She refused to let it snatch her only lifeline away from her.
If keeping him with her meant breaking her heart in the process- irreversibly... well then, she would just go ahead and endure it. But she would not- she absolutely would not lose him. Never.
Kuch Toh Hai Tujhse Raabta
Kuch Toh Hai Tujhse Raabta
Kaise Hum Jaane Hume Kya Pata
Kuch Toh Hai Tujhse Raabta
Tu Humsafar Hai
Phir Kya Fiqar Hai
Jeene Ki Vajah Hi
Yahin Marna Isi Ke Liye
Kehte Hain Khuda Ne
Is Jahan Mein Sabhi Ke Liye
Kisi Na Kisi Ko Hai
Banaya Har Kisi Ke Liye
She caressed his face one last time and walked out of the room and into hers. It was time to pull her act together. It was time for Khushi Kumari Gupta, COO of AR Group to step forward. It was time for Khushi Kumari Gupta to stop following her heart and let her cold, jaded, business-wired mind to take the lead. It was time to finish this issue- once and for all.
It was time to bring them back to the right track. The one that fate had decided for them. Not the one that her heart desired. It was time.
She was standing in front of the mirror as she wore her earrings. And he stopped in the doorway to the room. He could see her in the mirror. The beauty that she was, she seemed even more beautiful today. A Forest Green saree draped over her delicate frame, Golden zaree lining its edges in thick borders. The pallu depicting beautiful golden flowers, the gold making them shimmer on the green of the saree. As if they were happy. Happy for them. The exuberance that her face reflected- doubled by them. Dancing. Shimmering, as she moved. He sighed. Beautiful. Her blouse was a lighter shade of the same green. Deep-neck, bordered by the same beautiful golden flowers. Held by a single satin dorii at her back. The green of the dori contrasting sharply and beautifully with her creamy white back. Her long dark hair cascading down one shoulder in a waterfall of glistening curls. The Vanilla scent of her tingling through him. Beckoning him. His eyes found her neck, and his heart constricted, as a lump logged itself in his throat. He would never admit it, but this moment, Shyam Manohar Jha would always remember.
Because nestled delicately against the satiny hollow of his wife’s throat was the very first gift he had given her. His silent tribute to her. The Emerald set he had gifted her on her wedding so many years ago. The Diamonds and the Emeralds glinted in the dim lighting of the room. Shining. Reflecting. But tonight- unlike the time he had seen her wear it for the very first time- they shone with a muted happiness. A contentment. Twinkling at her neck. Adding their own charm to her flawless beauty. Elegance. His eyes burnt and he blinked, looking up at her- and his eyes locked with hers in the mirror. She had been watching him. His reaction. And her eyes told him that she had worn it for him. To show him her acceptance. To show him her Love. And his heart expanded. He stepped forward and she smiled, a delicate pink tinge coloring her cheeks as she looked down, shyly. Her hands fumbling with the Emerald drop at her ear. He smiled. His Wife. His Love.
He reached her. His hands going to her ear, gently freeing her earring from her hand and fastening the clasp, kissing her earlobe as he did so. Smiling softly as he heard her breath hitch at the contact, as he saw her eyes drop closed. His arms then wound themselves around her waist, pulling her back into his chest, his chin resting lightly on her shoulder as he looked at her in mirror. As he looked at them in the mirror.
Perfection.
How had he missed this before? Why had he missed this before? He mentally chided himself. This was not the time. Not right now. But he would apologize to her. For wasting so much time of their lives. And he would ask for her forgiveness- for her permission to let him make her happy for the rest of their lives. Together. Always.
“You look beautiful tonight, Mrs. Jha.” He smiled at her, and her eyes twinkled- his breath catching in his chest when she smiled that almost forgotten dazzling smile at him. The one she had bestowed upon him Eleven years ago in that Rose Garden in Lucknow. She turned in his arms, her hands straightening his Navy Blue tie and smoothing down his Dark Suit.
“You don’t look so bad either, Mr. Jha.” she said, shyly laying her head against his heart, her hands stealing into his coat, and around his waist, her fingers clutching his Blue Shirt at the back as she hugged him. He hugged her back and chuckled. “We could just cancel the Dinner you know? And we could...”
“No!” she said quickly, her hand lightly slapping at his chest as he chuckled some more. Feeling light, for the very first time in Eleven years. “You owe me a Dinner date Mr. Jha. Don’t forget.” She warned him, playfully, and he smiled.
“Anything for you, Rani Sahiba.”
He kissed her forehead then and offered her his arm, which she took giggling. And as they walked out of the room, he understood why all the people sighed wistfully looking at them both together. The Image in the mirror flashing through his mind. For the first time tonight, he had realized that the both them together made Perfection a reality.
Anjali smiled as her Husband told her of the new client and the case he would have to be taking up. And then laughed promptly as he told her how the old Man had approached their firm. Her eyes lighting up in Ecstacy. She had been aching for this. This. This easy rapport, this playful charming exchange between a husband and a wife. For this equality between them. Both of them finally accepting the other wholly. Completely in the element of a life-partner.
She looked up at him questioningly as he recommended a dish she had never heard, and he explained what it had. Her eyes glinting in excitement as she noted that he liked this dish. Maybe she could cook it for him? She had almost forgotten her fondness for cooking new dishes. What better way to make him happy then? She looked up at his smiling face again, the wide smile softening his beautiful face, the sharp almost poetic angles of his face thrown into relief. Making him seem even more beautiful. And all Hers. He raised his eyebrows and she shook her head- her eyes widening as he leant forward and lifted her hand holding a spoon and guided it to his mouth, a mischievous smile playing in his eyes as he tasted her food. Her cheeks reddened as he laughed- a full throaty laugh that echoed in her heart- and strummed through her. She shook her head at him in mock admonishment, her cheeks still glowing red. A small content smile lighting her face up. A happy peaceful bubble engulfing her in itself, as she heard a small voice whisper in her mind. Together. Always.
The people in Pebbles, The candle-lit Restaurant in Juhu that practically spelled Romance, looked at the couple sitting by the pool-view table. Engrossed in each other. Very Much in Love. Even after almost Twelve years of Marriage. Those who recognized them- the Prince of Diamonds and his Rani Sahiba, smiled secret smiles. Oh how they wished that they could have that. That sense of beautiful, fulfilling, peaceful Love that the couple seemed to be glowing with. The women sighed and smiled as He lifted Her hand and ate from her spoon. They all smiled as a pretty smile lit up Her face even as she blushed shaking her head at him. The Love was tangible. They sighed again, turning away from the couple. They indeed made Perfection a reality.
He woke up as he always did, reaching for the radio alarm, turning the noise down some. Some song was playing. He couldn’t concentrate. He reached for … something instinctively before he even realized what it was. Her. He remembered last night. With her. A full circle wasn’t it? A smile broke through. A rare one. No sarcasm, or polished fakeness of living there. It was a crooked, full toothed smile that showed his joy of living. With her. Having her. His. He had thought cheerfully, as he got up from the bed, feeling gloriously alive. Percy had come into his room at some point, and while the pup twined himself around his very happy master’s ankle, Arnav got up, and looked around. It wasn’t a particularly cheerful weather. The sky was overcast. There was a chilly bite in the air. Why did he feel like everything glowed then? The floppy puppy around his ankle rolled on his back. Arnav crouched down and rubbed Percy’s stomach a little. All the time thinking of all that he would say to her. He wasn’t very good with words... not when they mattered as these would. Would she understand? He thought she would. She always understood everything. Even before he fully comprehended it himself. Or even... thought of it. She was brilliant that way. His girl.. his brilliant baby. For she was still his baby but perhaps... the connotation of the word had changed. Maybe it had changed a long time ago. Only maybe Arnav was, he smiled, being the thick fool that he was, had been the last to notice. He wasn’t surprised. Not really. Rubbing the ecstatic puppy some more, he got up, and went to his wardrobe to take out something to wear. First a shower. A shave. Then a long overdue conversation with Ms. Khushi Kumari Gupta. So many changes were coming. Would she be amenable to them? They had both been each others family for all these years. Would she mind if the definitions changed here as well? Arnav was sure that he certainly wouldn’t. Not now. He finally was growing up. Time for all of them to grow up in the most basic ways possible. Arnav grinned as he went into the shower, as an AC/DC song came on. He certainly knew just how he wanted to do it!
The shower was cold. Icily so. He didn’t mind. It was waking him up. Helping him remember the beauty of the night before. The gift that it had been to him. The first of many many more... He knew. In his bones. In his gut. There were things to sort out. He knew that. He didn’t belittle that fact. There was NK Singhaniya’s relationship with Khushi. He didn’t know what kind of relationship it was... but he understood that it was quite a deep one. Not a physical one though, was it, a voice in him chimed in. A voice, he shivered as the cold water hit him - he didn’t quite care for. Yes. He had fences to mend on so many fronts! Arnav was quite aware of that. Maybe he would never fully be able to admit it out loud. But then, he grinned, shutting off the water - she always understood what he had to say, didn’t she? She would understand this time along as well. Maybe what she had with Singhaniya had been important. In whatever ground, it was perhaps to her. But she would understand... sometimes some relationships are meant to remain half finished. He immediately shivered. The chill getting to him. Or maybe, he wasn’t fully fond of the last thought that had popped into his mind. Why had it then seemed so prophetic to him then?
He towel dried, hair sticking out in random directions. Today, there was no time to devote to errant hair, he thought laughingly, pulling on a purple grey polo shirt and an old, worn, black jeans. He would go, grab her - wherever she was in the apartment and pull her into going out, whatever state of dress or undress she was in. She would perhaps be worrying. Agitating over what had happened. How it affected them. To bring perfection about. There was no need for perfection today. It was their day. He would make sure that they made the best of it. Whether it was in the form of a lazy brunch at a little tucked away cafe somewhere, or just wondering about the forgotten streets of Old Delhi. Travelling through the joys of its newer incarnation. Khushi and he would enjoy the walled city today to the best of their ability. It was a day for celebration. A new beginning. There was a lot that he had been careless about. A lot that he had ignored in his headlong rush into proving himself right. Today would be all about righting those wrongs with her. He smiled. Yes. With her. For her. All for her, he thought with a gentle smile. Khushi Kumari Gupta. His beginning.
Percy ran all around him, feverishly, as he dressed. Yipping in muted joy as his master made way out of the room, he was having fun with the master wherever he was but he had wanted to get out of the room and play. The other person in the kitchen had given him food and cuddled and played with him some. Percy had been happy. She was nice. But she was no master. Plus, she was making sizzling noises on the stove and that had scared Percy. A lot. More than he would care to admit. So he would much rather stay with his master. He was nice. Didn’t make funny noises either. Percy ran behind his master and whimpered quietly when he noticed him striding towards the offending kitchen where the other person made strange noises on the stove. He whimpered once more and then reluctantly followed after the master. The things he did for love.
One look at her and Arnav froze. This... This was not what he had expected. He had expected tears. Self-recriminations. Panic. Agitation. Not this. She stood there with breakfast, looking straight into his eyes and he just knew. He just knew. She was pretending as if last night hadn’t happened. Like it hadn’t existed. Like it meant nothing. Like it had meant less than nothing to her. A serene expression on her face, at odds with his panicked, frozen one. Wasn’t she the one who was meant to understand anything and everything he ever did? Hadn’t she always done just that? Then what just happened here? She smiled again, a distant look in her usually expressive and warm eyes. Pushing a plate of something towards him, she held up her finger as he opened his mouth to speak. She was on the phone. A bluetooth headset peeped out from behind her veil of hair. She was talking to someone spiritedly. He looked down to note that she had made him Mexican breakfast again. Like the morning after their first kiss. He opened his mouth again but she had turned away, talking. Laughing. Who was she talking to?
As he dug into his Huevos Rancheros, tasting sawdust, he heard her whisper a name throatily. A name that made him feel like he had been suckerpunched in the stomach. “NK, I’ll see you in our usual place? Brunch then? It’s a date,” she laughed throatily again as he looked on. Shell-shocked. Arnav opened his mouth, stammering almost. She shook his head though. Stopping the flow of words before they escaped with that gesture. Khushi came towards him and looked at him. She had a pensive smile on her face. He could, he noted fuzzily, see everything happening. Like time had slowed down. Like they were underwater. She kissed him on the forehead. Goodbye? He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. “Finish your breakfast Arnav. I’ll see you later today at the office,” she smiled and walked out, in that full sleeved plaid shirt and jeans. Looking like a serene fucking queen with no worries in the world. Arnav’s thought from moments ago came back to haunt him. Sometimes some relationships are meant to remain half finished. He would fucking drink to that, he thought. Shattered. Baffled. Even as he stared at the almost full plate of breakfast in front of him. While Percy came and rubbed against his leg. As if he understood the magnitude of what had just happened. Maybe he did. Arnav smiled and then, for the life of him wasn’t able to understand why - but he laughed like a bloody lunatic until he could laugh no more. A laughter sans joy. His own life sans Khushi... he thought miserably.
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